I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
