Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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