a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
