u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
third nipple confirmed
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
