Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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