just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
