At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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