it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm too high and old for this...
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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