omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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