I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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