are you still at the devil's house?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
