How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
