So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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