Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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