It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
