I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
