He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
