im about as happy as oj after his trial
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
