I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I need to calm my uterus...
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
