just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
