i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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