i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
