My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
