At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
