I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
