I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
no. you can't hotbox the world.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
