Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
