You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
