So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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