i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
don't judge my taste in strippers
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
