Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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