I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
