Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
