Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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