Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
