Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
