I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
