positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
