Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You took a bar mat shot.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
