i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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