i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
