he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just blew my weed a kiss
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
