Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
