So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Be still, my beating vagina.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
