i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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