How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Randomize
