that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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