I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
My life is pants optional.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
