sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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