Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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