so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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